Well friends, it’s true. My days of hibernation (known to many as unemployment) are coming to a close. That’s right. This girl has secured herself a spot in the enticing place called the “Working World.” I have heard that this brave new world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe Christopher Columbus thought the same thing when He found out He hadn’t landed on the place with the awesome spices. Hey, America turned out sort of OK, so maybe my Working World will too?
As I am enjoying my last supper in the land flowing with idleness and Netflix, I want to take this time to record what it fully means to have all the time in the world, for posterity of course (or for those hypothetical times down the road when I feel like an overworked, underpaid servant to Corporate America).
Here are my tips on how to do nothing to the best of your ability:
1. Don’t wake up before 10 am. Seriously, no sunrise is that beautiful for you to leave the comfort of your foam mattress or husband pillow. Sleep. is. wonderful.
2. Drink at least one cup of coffee. The “get you going on the right foot” elixir. Caffeine aside, I’ve read that the stuff can be good for you, and there is no way I’m not buying into that. Antioxidants people. I actually just took a break from writing this to get some afternoon coffee, no joke.
3. Go to the beach. It ain’t called the Jersey Shore for nothin’. Every chance you get, put on that bikini, grab a book, and hit the sand (not literally, although somehow I usually end up with sand in every orifice of my body.)
4. Pay attention to nature. Leaves change color and it’s the best thing to watch. The Very Hungry Caterpillar was in my driveway the other day and it was grossly enticing and did I mention HUGE. Taking a moment to feel the air breathe you breathe on a run (make sure that’s before you enter the large cloud of gnats that haunt your running path). The world is a beautiful place.
5. Get off your butt and do some of the things you’ve been meaning to do. Like make your own lip balm and your own Nutella. Or less excitingly, clean under your bed. You may find your friend’s plane ticket from his college study abroad trip or some Lewis structure models from Organic Chemistry class that your younger brother gets a little too excited about as he is currently suffering through the torture.
6. Learn to use the remotes. This may be an easy task for most Americans, but I am in this strange minority where Toddlers in Tiaras and NCIS just didn’t do it for me. I also always escaped the task of putting the DVD in to play. It took a few tries and glaring looks from my younger sister, but I finally can navigate the buttons on the remotes for the TV and all attached devices with relative ease.
7. Read books. The library is a great place. I mean come on, you can get free stuff every time you go, guaranteed. For some reason, I always thought you had to pick something off of the bestseller list in order to get a good read. Wrong. Just get something random that looks interesting; you might be surprised. All bestsellers had to be discovered by someone who did just that.
8. Find something you love to do. For a foodie such as myself, that means a trip to a farmer’s market to gawk at the blue potatoes an white eggplant. It also means trying to make cookies with garbanzo beans and putting chia seeds in your smoothie. But if that doesn’t float your boat, you could knit yourself a scarf or something. I’m sure there are other options for leisurely hobbies.
9. Don’t say no to a challenge. Maybe a night out with friends and a dart board? Game on, baby.
10. Work out. That means exercise. No pouty face. No excuses. Just go. You’ll thank me later when you buy the little black dress you find for $10 at H&M. Look out bachelorette parties! 😉
11. Stay in your PJs til 3 pm. It’s OK; Most interesting things happen after that time anyway. However, if your neighbor asks for help jumping his car at 1 pm, you might want to change out of the blue and lime green booty shorts and tame the unbrushed beast that is your hair.
12. Rock the slipper sock.
13. Go to a place that relaxes and focuses you when you need to get some actual work done. For me, that means the little coffee shop in Clinton along the river. The sound of water and movement around you paired with a cool but sunny day is enough to make you want to study tube feeding techniques for fun. Well, almost.
14. Don’t stress too much about your bank account. Disclaimer: CHECK your bank account to avoid overdraft protection fees, but don’t let the number scare you too much. Instead of thinking of it in limbo game of “how low will you go,” just try to keep the number the same for as long as possible. Once the number gets to be about equal to your body weight, you may need to ask for a loan to tide your over.
15. Splurge. Enjoy the french toast and the homemade peach cobbler. It’s worth it. You have the rest of your working life to eat bag lunches, breakfast in the car, and leftovers for dinner.
Well, there you have it. A recipe for unemployed success. Or maybe from now on, it will be my recipe for a truly awesome weekend. Unemployment, it’s been fun. I really did learn a lot from you unexpectedly. But for now,